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“Oh em gee! I am sooooo excited!”
I turned to Lily. She was hard to see, she was vibrating so fast. “Nothing interesting is going to happen. The moon is barely past first quarter.” I had downloaded a moon widget on my phone as soon as I figured out when the Other Door appeared in Konvenience Korner.
“Yeah, but I get to see where you two lovebirds first met!”
“Are you two coming in, or what?” Alissa called from the KK doorway. She had taken to twenty-first century fashion with gusto, and looked resplendent in a crop top and short shorts. Sir Madrigan peeked his nose out from her hot pink, heavily bedazzled purse, and she gently pushed him back down.
“You just can’t keep your eyes off her,” Lily stage-whispered. She was wearing skinny jeans, combat boots, and a heavy leather jacket (covered in trans & generally queer patches), with a huge beanie shoved over her bleach-blonde curls. Apparently, winter in southern California was still warmer than summer in Ōtautahi.
I followed her in, waving to Jashpreet at the counter. Lily’s enthusiasm for life was infectious. She’d been staying with us for two weeks, and we went out basically every day—with the sofa bed & an air mattress, there was not a lot of space in my shoebox of a flat. She’d helped both of us get paperwork & IDs (thanks to a local hacker friend) and HRT (thanks to said hacker friend knowing all the key words to say to a local GP), and had become such a foundational part of my—our—brand-new life on this side of the gender divide that it was gonna suck seeing her to the airport tomorrow.
“I’ve swiped out, uh, Brooke,” Jashpreet said. He gave me a Look. “You know, congrats and all on the whole...” He gestured at all of me: my cheap palazzo pants, earrings, and the (exceedingly optimistic) outline of a training bra under my uniform tee. “...Stuff. But are you sure about hanging out with your girlfriends on-shift?”
I glanced over at where Alissa and Lily were examining the local potato chip flavours with grim seriousness. “Lily isn’t my— Whatever. Yeah, I’ll make sure they don’t break anything.”
“Just don’t let the camera catch them going into the staff room,” he said. “And watch out. Nadia said something weird was going on with the electricals last graveyard shift.”
My ears perked up at ‘weird’, but I didn’t let it show on my face. I’d had a lot of practice, not letting emotions show on my face. Or behind it, for that matter; though that was improving. “Yeah, no, I’ll be careful, dude.”
The doors slid closed behind him, and the three of us were alone.
Four of us. Instantly, Sir Madrigan popped out of Alissa’s purse and dashed along the narrow top of a shelf towards the wall where the Other Door appeared on full-moon nights.
“What’s gotten into him?” I asked, coming up to stand beside Lily and Alissa.
“He misses being himself,” Alissa said. She leaned her head on my shoulder. “When the Door opens once more, I should remand him from my service. It does him no good to stay here, in the guise of a mere beast.”
“I wish something supernatural would happen while I’m here,” Lily said. “It sucks ass that I have to go home tomorrow. But my boss wouldn’t let me have more PTO.”
As she spoke, the wall Sir Madrigan was pawing at began to rattle. We all froze. The rat started squeaking & running in frantic circles. A warm yellow light was appearing, as if through the cracks around a door that wasn’t there.
“Oh shit!” Lily breathed.
My brain was blank. It was too soon, the schedule was wrong. Nothing magical ever happened when the moon wasn’t full. But then, I’d run into a unicorn at the mall. And this was clearly happening.
The glow started pulsing. It started outlining the boards of the Other Door, the hinges and the handle, the inner edges of the arch. Sir Madrigan moved right up against it. He reached into the door with a paw that was, suddenly, almost hand-like, and pulled. The light flared one more time, and Sir Madrigan pulled through...
Another rat. This one was shaped like Sir Madrigan had been when he first accosted me. Like Sir Madrigan was shaped now, apparently. He lay there in his pantaloons, sword in his belt, tangled with a rat that would almost have been his twin, who wore a purplish robe with a high collar, and the tiniest wizard hat I’d ever seen.
Alissa squealed, and went to help her gallant-at-arms up. “Sir Madrigan! You are back to yourself!”
“I am indeed, my Princess!” He helped the wizard rat up. “And this is my benighted brother, Galmaufryn.”
Galmaufryn dusted off the front of his robe and straightened the golden chain he was wearing. “That’s Galmaufryn the Magnificent to you, sirrah!” He bowed deeply to Alissa. “Your Highness, I am at your service. Are these your ladies-in-waiting?”
I glanced at Lily. She wasn’t moving, but she had the biggest, widest eyes and smile you could imagine.
“Are you a real rat?” she asked breathily. “Are you a real wizard?”
“But of course, milady.”
Sir Madrigan harrumphed. “A fraud, he is! He was given all his powers wholesale by a spirit! He knoweth not the meaning of a hard day’s labour.”
“As if you’ve ever laboured! You just wave a sharp stick around. Whereas I can manipulate the very fabric of the Infinite Cosmos!” He raised his hands and gestured importantly. Nothing happened.
“Hah!” Sir Madrigan snapped. “I told you—”
“Peace!” Alissa cried. She stepped between them. I pulled Lily back, so she wouldn’t be caught in whatever this was. “Master Galmaufryn, I am pleased to know you. But I am no longer a princess; I renounced my title, and dwell now with my sweetheart Brooke Marshall, and her bosom friend Lily Swale.” She pointed at me. Being called a 'sweetheart' was still new enough that I was blushing. “Sir Madrigan, would you please refrain from antagonising your brother until we have attended to his bleeding!”
“Bleeding?” Galmaufryn jumped, and turned in a circle. The tip of his tail had been torn off, it looked like, and was leaking a trail of blood onto the lino.
Sir Madrigan elevated his brother’s tail. I grabbed the first-aid kit from the staff room. I wasn’t sure what to do next, but Lily took charge. She had Galmaufryn’s tail cleaned, disinfected, and bandaged in minutes. Alissa and I just did what she said, when she said it.
“You know a lot about first aid,” I said admiringly.
“I’m not just a pretty face, babes!” She stuck her tongue out, eyes not deviating from her task. “I got all three badges for it when I was an Eagle Scout.” She tied off the bandage. “There, that should do it.”
“Now, good master wizard,” Alissa said as well all sat in a circle. “Please tell us wherefore you are come, and how?”
“The short version,” Sir Madrigan interjected.
“As you say, milady. In brief, I come bearing a message from your father—” I rolled my eyes “—whose castle is besieged by a force of Elves.”
Alissa squeaked and covered her mouth with both hands in fright. “What? How did Elves breach the boundaries of Atrania? I thought the Dreaming Empress kept them out.”
“By treachery,” Galmaufryn said sadly. “The Gnome King, Nalvoog, connived his way past her guardians and drove her to nightmare. Their Iron Fortress is still in the Void, but they are well-supplied. Castle Faerdham was their first target.”
“Nalvoog? He must have set them on my father out of revenge for the broken betrothal.” Alissa’s voice was shaking. “It’s my fault, I shouldn’t—”
“Hey, none of that,” I said firmly. I gripped her shoulder tightly. “It’s not your fault the Gnome King is a dick. He could've just…I dunno, demanded some territory or—or turnips, or whatever people do when an arranged marriage falls through.”
“I feel like organising an Elf siege is kind of an overreaction,” Lily added.
Alissa pushed out of my embrace. “I need to see my father, Master Wizard. Can you do that?”
“At once, milady!” He stood and went to the drinks fridge. After tapping it delicately, he quickly sketched some kind of magic sigil in yellow light. Then the reflections in the glass rippled like a puddle in the wind, and cleared to reveal an aerial view of a huge castle. It had a high wall and many towers. Armoured figures ran around the battlements and the moat like ants. Every now and then, bolts of green fire lanced from the besieging forces at the defenders, and were deflected by golden force-fields.
“The court wizards are holding their own still,” Galmaufryn muttered. Alissa stepped up to stare over his shoulder. Her hands were clawing the air at her sides. I took one and Lily, without saying a word, took the other one. Galmaufryn gestured over the glass, and the view zoomed in violently to show King Faerdham’s face.
He looked gaunt, compared to the hologram message Nightwind the unicorn had shown us. He had a gilded breastplate and helmet in place of robes and crown. A soldier was talking to him animatedly, though no sound came through.
“Can I speak to him?” Alissa asked. She dropped our hands and traced her father’s image in the glass.
“Alas not,” Galmaufryn said. “He would need his own scrying glass, and the other court wizards are no doubt occupied.”
“Then I should go to him,” she replied. “I was trained with the soldiery; I can help marshal the local forces—”
“The King’s message, milady, was that you must stay away from Atrania. It is too dangerous.” He shrugged. “Also, I have no means of return.”
Sir Madrigan raised an eyebrow. “I thought you had control over the fabric of the Infinite?”
“Yes, well. I had to use the pull of my blood-kin. It was good fortune, indeed, that my brother was your gallant-at-arms.”
“No doubt it was the only reason you were sent,” Sir Madrigan said, rolling his eyes.
“I thought I told you two to remain civil?” Alissa said.
“Hey, is it supposed to be doing that?” Lily asked.
The rest of us looked at the drinks fridge. The view-point was being dragged, slowly but inevitably, away from King Faerdham and the castle battlements. It crossed the moat and the enemy forces, and settled on a tall knoll some ways from the castle. A figure was standing there, pointing directly at us.
All at once the view leapt forward. A grey-black face was staring back. Four shiny, featureless eyes, blinking all in tandem, were focused tightly on us. One side of the head was done up in blue-white braids. On the other grew an ugly, chaotic mass of acid-green crystal, bursting from the skull like a tumour.
“So that’s where you went.” The voice was high and tight, with a whistling undercurrent.
Galmaufryn hurriedly wiped his hand across the glass. The vision went blank. I’d never been so glad to see five hundred cans of Beast before.
“What. The actual fuck. Was that?” Lily demanded.
“An Elf,” said Sir Madrigan. “The vilest creatures in all the Infinite. They raid the realms from their Iron Fortress in the Void, kidnapping people to use as their new bodies.”
“Uh-huh. Elves are body-snatchers. Got it.”
“At least they cannot trouble us here,” Galmaufryn said. “With the exception of my amulet, this realm is entirely devoid of any magicks. There is no way—”
The wall behind us creaked. Light was pouring through invisible cracks: acid green this time, rather than golden.
Shit. Shit shit shit. There was no question what was coming through this time. Galmaufryn collapsed; the torn tip of his tail was burning green through the bandage. So he was out for the count. And I couldn’t trust that these Elves would be in any way bound by the Oak Queen’s Accords.
“Lily, get Galmaufryn and Alissa into the staff room,” I barked. “Sir Madrigan, you take point.”
“And what are you gonna do against an alien elf sorcerer fuck?” Lily demanded. But she picked up Galmaufryn in her arms and took him back.
I dashed behind the counter and pulled out Jashpreet’s secret weapon against dickhead customers. It was his father’s cricket bat: ruddy Kashmir willow, well oiled and heavy. I hefted it and gave it a test swing—and saw that Alissa had followed me.
“’Liss, what are you doing? The Elf is after you, you need to hide—”
She went on tiptoe and kissed me on the cheek. Despite everything, I blushed again. She was getting really good at making me do that. “My hero,” she whispered. Then, with a wink, she disappeared through the Employee door just like she had that first night.
“Lady Brooke, the moment comes!” called Sir Madrigan.
As the outline of the Door grew to a fever pitch, I walked to stand beside him. I’m sure we looked absurd, a talking rat with a rapier and a store employee with a bit of sports equipment. Deep down, I didn’t think we stood a snowball’s chance. Whatever. No point in giving up.
The wall rippled, bulged. A figure pushed through and tore past the green glare. It was not the same Elf that had seen us spying—not even the same species. The four arms and red skin was a dead giveaway. Rather than a wild growth of crystal from the head, this one had veins of crystal weaving across its bare chest, radiating from the breastbone. This looked familiar, but I was more invested in the sight of the four wicked-sharp swords the Elf was drawing from sheaths adorning the belt of the strange kilt it was wearing.
“Where is it?” the Elf hissed. It glared with a seething hatred. “Give us the princeling. You can live, if you give it to us. A nice, magical flesh, to fight the Dreaming! We won’t even torture you much.”
With a casual swipe, the Elf knocked the rapier out of Sir Madrigan’s grip. It clattered against the drinks fridge.
I was feeling a bit silly with my cricket bat.
The lights of the portal snapped out. Both the Elf and Sir Madrigan stumbled, and the Elf let out a pained hiss. The solution popped into my head. I couldn’t beat this thing like I had Uminora, but there were still Rules.
“Sir Madrigan, get your brother out of the building!” I snapped. I pulled him behind me. “Go!” I said, before he could protest. “I’ve got this.”
“What a creature you are,” the Elf said. It didn’t appear to notice Sir Madrigan going. “We like changing flesh. So much easier to shape how we like—” It lunged on that last word, and I ducked back.
“Yeah, well.” My hand was shaking with adrenaline. “I’m changing it cos I’m feeling invested in it, all of a sudden. I’m kinda attached to it now.” I blocked another blow with the bat. Jashpreet was gonna be pissed at me.
The Elf stumbled again and dropped a sword. Through gritted teeth, it said, “Tricky creature, you. What are you doing to me?”
I swung the bat and let it go. It swiped the Elf’s feet out from under it, and it tumbled to the floor. The green crystal glow was fading; its skin was starting to peel and go pale. It groaned in agony. It waved a sword half-heartedly in my direction, but it wasn’t even close to hitting me.
White cloud burst past me, and Lily was beside me. “Get away from her, you bitch!” she screamed. She was carrying the fire extinguisher, unloading it like she was Ripley.
The Elf shrieked. Under the foam, we saw the green crystal flickered once, twice, and went out. It seemed to turn to dust and get sucked up into the foam like the weirdest blood ever.
Under it all, the body lay, barely moving. Its head turned slowly to look at me. The alien yellow eyes held none of the vivid hatred.
“Are… Are you ok?” I asked. “Can we help?”
“I… I die free, at last.”
We watched the body twitch its last and fall still.
I knelt down beside it and pulled the eyebrows shut. I had no idea what kind of funerary rites this people observed, but I felt like some respect was due. Someone had spent who knows how long with a roiling, seething anger living inside their brain, controlling them.
I heard the staff-room door open, and turned to see Alissa coming to join us.
“Sir Madrigan got his brother out the back door. He said he would wait for us in the park.” Looking down at the body, she added, “I don’t expect he would have waited long, not if he could dash to our rescue.”
“He couldn’t have,” I said. “Galmaufryn said his amulet was the only thing letting magic work here. When the portal closed and you got the amulet behind a door, both Sir Madrigan and the Elf started weakening. Whatever the crystal shit is, it can’t exist without magic.”
“Nice thinking!” Lily said. She high-fived me. “So, what do we do with the body?”
“How are you still having fun?” I asked. Alissa slipped her arm through mine and leaned into me. Her face was stoic, but the rest of her was still shaking.
“Oh, it’s the adrenaline, babes! I’m totally gonna crash once I stop and process this.” She knelt and started investigating the body. “Hey, there’s pockets!”
“Have caution, Lily!” Alissa said.
“Brooke said the magic’s all stopped working,” Lily said. She pulled something small, a brass dial, out. “It’s a shame, though.” She looked at me. “Just imagine how many more eggs we could’ve cracked with that bracelet!”
Despite myself, I laughed. My body was starting to calm down, too. “I wonder if it’s safe yet for Galmaufryn to come help us,” I asked Alissa. “Maybe he’s got some kind of spell—”
Click.
“Hey, I opened it!”
I turned. Caught a glimpse of twin glows. Green elf-crystal. Something purple. Then the air around Lily and the Elf corpse cracked open and swallowed them with a rumble of thunder.
Alissa and I stared at the empty spot for a solid minute before we could move.
The rest of my shift passed in a blur. Alissa fetched the rats, and I cleaned up the remnant of fire extinguisher foam. A few dozen normal customers came through, saying normal words and buying normal stuff. But none of it mattered.
Eight and a half hours later, the four of us sat around my two-person dining table. I’d cracked out the last of my vodka RTDs. The tiny flat still felt empty, now, without Lily’s laughter, Lily’s warmth.
I drained my can and slammed it down. “We’re gonna rescue her, right?”
Alissa clasped my hands. “You have to ask?”
“But how?” asked Sir Madrigan. “We have no idea where she is, nor even if she lives!”
“There are ways and means, brother,” Galmaufryn said. “I can scry, and perhaps converse with my fellow wizards.”
“And when the Door opens,” Alissa added, “we can call for aid, however we can.” I queezed her hand back.
“Good. I’m glad that’s sorted.” I took a deep breath. “I don’t know who I’d be if she hadn’t been my friend. She was there for me when it counted, even before I realised. I can’t leave her behind.”